I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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