I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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