hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
