btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
