u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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