Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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