Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
