Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
