She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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