I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
