you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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