I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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