Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
