sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
