After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i dont even know how to be here
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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