i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
