he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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