i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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