You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
