There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
birth control should be required to get into college
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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