I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dicks are not precious.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
please don't ironically join a cult
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