remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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