"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
