I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
