If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
