Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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