I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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