u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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