Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
