We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I didn't notice because vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
When are your genitals available?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize