Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just blew my weed a kiss
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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