Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
