He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
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Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
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Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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