Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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