I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
