Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
