My room smells like vodka and shame
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
