Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
