I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
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Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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