In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
