She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize