I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
