i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
