Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
