It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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