fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
