Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize