It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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