Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
