Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize