His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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