So drunk its hurt
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
