He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
