You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
