He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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