I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
