Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
