Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
