I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Of course I have a pirate flag
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
