babies were throwing up all over the place
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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