i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's blow job season.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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