not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
