is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
