why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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