If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
