He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
there is glitter all over my balls
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
