I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
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The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
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I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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