she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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