i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
