if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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