I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
