i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
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If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
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He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
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