i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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