He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
