it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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