dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
