Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
