If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he thought i was a dude.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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