Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
