you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
